2018 has been a hard year. And it has just started.
I wanted to write a quick blurb on my life in these past couple months. It has been huge eye opening moment by moment since the year even began. Things got hard. They are still hard. My life has transformed in ways I did not anticipate. In ways I did not expect. In fact, it was the last thing I expected. Everything from lacrosse to school to friends to family to my own self. Things have gotten tough and I have learned just how afraid I am. Of the future. Of college. Of failure. Of hard work. Of judgement. Of success. I have learned more about myself in these past four months than I have my whole life.
But while things may be tough, I think one thing has spoke clearly to me: God asks me day in and day out with an incredible, immense patience, with all the love and kindness in His voice: "Will you let Me take the lead?" Will you let Me take the lead, Leah? In your life? Of your life?
See, God is extending His hand to me. To ME! Silly, messy, fearful, distrustful, unworthy, unfaithful, imperfect me. He is extending His love, His mercy, His peace, His grace, His hope, His kingdom, is gift, His perfection, His life towards me. And He's asking me, will you let Me take the lead? Will I let Him take the lead over my broken life, will I let Him pick up the pieces of my shattered heart, will I let Him restore my hope, will I let Him move the fear, tear down the barrier, put up new walls, a new foundation, will I let Him fill the hole in my soul, satisfy the yearning, will I let Him take control? Will I let Him lead? Will I let Him lead me through the doubt, through the trials, through the joy and the mourning. Will I let Him take over, cut in to my desires, my own will, my own way, my own plan and wants? Will I let Him and trust Him enough to bring me to the perfect boy, the husband the future when He sees fit? Will I let Him spin me and toss me even though I doubt? Will I let Him lead?
Letting someone lead takes a willingness and courage to follow. When dancing, we trust that our partner will keep us on our two feet. We rely on the other to keep us afloat. And when we are asked by God to let Him lead, it's going to take courage. Trust. Hope. It will take extraordinary measures, it will take being pushed outside the comfort zone. In my own life it looks like patience in the face of anger. It looks like kindness even in the face of adversity. It takes courage in the face of fear. It takes joy in the face of hurt. It takes perseverance in the face of adversity.
I encourage you to wake up everyday and answer His call. Yes Lord! Lead me today. Lead me in the right direction. In Your direction. It will be hard. Things will distract you. It will hurt sometimes and it's not the most popular decision in society. But I believe when you answer His call, His question, His prodding, you will find yourself empowered. You will be truly set free.
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