My name is Leah Ruby. I was adopted from South Korea into a little family from Michigan when I was about 10 months old. Not even a year yet, but the older a grow, the more I saw that this was a blessing straight from the hands of God. I am not sure how much you know about adoption, I'm not even sure how much I know. I have not learned my biological parent's story because to me, I do not need to know. So many people ask me if I ever want to meet my biological parents and my answer has been and will always be no. I am not bitter or angry at them about it. That is not why I say no. It is far from it. I say no because I have a family with me right now that loves me and I have grown up loving. I almost feel unfair to them to try and go back after they have given me the world. See, I see it as a miracle. If I had not been adopted, I would not know the faith I have now the same way I have it. If I had not been adopted, I definitely would not have known any of the influences in my life, positive or negative, that has grown my faith in ways I cannot even begin to describe. If I had not been adopted, I would not have found the same passions I have now. I would not have the same opportunities for anything had I not been adopted. South Korea has a different culture, a different way of life. Everything would have been different. I could have grown up in a divorced home, or one that was unfaithful, or one that was dirt poor, or one that had no morals, no belief.
But God.
A phrase I have come to love. I was lost. In a foster home. But God. But God in all His unconditional love for a little Asian baby, abandoned by unseen and unknown parents, but God in all His mercy and grace knew that that was not the end for me. I was not going to be some abandoned baby with no name or purpose. He knew that out in the west, a family of 4 would be searching for a baby to adopt. Little did I know then that this family had been through a bit on their own. Losing a baby and finding out the ones they were going to adopt they could no longer adopt. But God. But God blessed them with a baby He knew all the way around the world. Out of the millions of babies that needed a new home, He picked me. How could one say that was such a chance? How could one say that is not the works of a loving God? Of everything that had happened, He knew. He had a plan. He had things organized. He had pain be apart of the process. Pain or some level of it is almost always a part of a process that is worthy.
My family to this day has been the number 1 influence on my faith, especially my wise parents. I cannot say how blessed I am to come into a family such as mine, not everybody has parents like mine. They are wise and worthy, faithful in every way to each other and to God. They have taught me so much more about God and the Bible and what it means to be more about the walk than the talk. Thank you, family. For being my home base, my safe haven when the seas get rough.
I moved to California and lived there for a bit and then moved to Georgia when I was little. I've lived in Georgia all my life. I was diagnosed with anxiety when I was 3. 3 years old!? That's crazy young I think. Quite insane. I had to listen to classical music, play with the sand, do all these exercises, go off dairy and sugar and wheat, do this do that and look where I ended today. My anxiety lasted through to the end of elementary school. I can't remember much about those years except I was weird and did weird things. I was a troubled little child. Acting a lot on impulse. I started playing lacrosse in 2nd grade, and it gave me something to do. Something to strive for, something to work for. Everyone needs something to do, a hobby, a purpose.
But middle school began to change me. Sixth grade, I cried everyday after school for the first 3 months. I hated middle school. Change does not come easy to me because of how anxious I get, and it truly showed. However, as my faith began to take place, my anxiety changed. In middle school, faith isn't really talked much about. It's neither cool or uncool, for my school at least. My faith was growing but it wasn't overflowing yet. I struggled with my identity for sixth and seventh grade. I had to figure out for myself who I wanted to be, the choices I would make then would set me on the path. I was just drifting. Eighth grade came and I had a set mindset: my faith was going to take precedent over my life. My worth would not be found in what everyone else did.
Freshman year came and I quickly realized how different high school was. It was a hard year socially for me. I have always considered myself a drifter. I don't have a single set group, I have a bunch of different people that I drift around to. I had an idea of the kind of person I wanted to be, but had no idea how to get there. I knew I wanted to be known for something different. Something better. Someone who people felt comfortable talking to. But little freshman me hadn't a clue how to change my habits. I attended Vertical Reality, a church retreat at Sharptop Cove in the mountains of Georgia. That weekend changed my life. The talk was called Brand You and Reed Moore spoke about branding Jesus and what it looked like to advertise Jesus in a way that people saw desirable. I realized I wanted to be someone more, someone who could reflect Jesus' light just as the moon reflects the sun's light at night. That weekend transformed me. When I got back to school, though, it seemed to dampen my desire. I wanted to, but what could freshman me do?
Sophomore year came and hit me like a bus. It opened my eyes to the reality of society today. Quite a few of my friends and closest people I knew struggled with depression. What I remember most about sophomore year was those people who were hurting and seemed to have nowhere to go. I had an idea, a small mere thought to write small little notes for some of them and to give it to them and stick em on their lockers. It was this year and through this process that I began to see a leap in my faith. I grew in leaps and bounds, I saw things happen in my life that I never once would have imagined possible. I saw weaknesses become strengths, habits overcome.
That summer I had my first run in with a boyfriend. I found myself dating a guy and it lasted a good 13 days, 5 of which I was on a church retreat. I mention this short lived fantasy because it has played one of the biggest roles in my walk with Christ. I remember leading up to the point of having this boyfriend, I desired nothing more than having a boyfriend. I wanted it so bad. I thought about it a ton, it consumed me. If you asked what I wish for it'd be a boyfriend. What I want? a boyfriend. And God gave it to me. But look where it went? Downhill in less than 2 weeks. And I know God did it on purpose. NOT to spite me, not to anger me, not to hurt me, not to get back at me, not to be angry, not to laugh in my face, not to do it out of evil or malice, but He did it to show me that WHAT I WANTED SO BAD came true. And sometimes, the things we want so badly are not the things we need. Our desires go rampant and consume our minds and we almost forget about God. We forget about all He has given me already. We want it on our time instead of His time, and when we force His hand, consequences come. It took me a while to realize that God had a purpose for the relationship and everyday after. And while boys are a sore topic for me still, I know He has it in control. No matter how hard I try to force it.
I went on a mission trip that same summer to El Salvador. It was something far outside my comfort zone, something I felt the least bit qualified to do. I was terrible at Spanish, I hated it in fact, the class was the worst class on my schedule and I could not speak for the life of me. But when I went down to El Salvador, I became aware of so much more. About the conditions other countries lived in, other places outside of my safe little bubble of life back in the United States. I saw lives being changed by Christ in a third world country. I saw how people loved unconditionally under such conditions, better than anyone I knew. Everyone who goes on mission trips always said language wasn't an issue. And I found out that was true. It wasn't the only way to communicate when serving our God. While, I wish I knew more because it certainly would have helped, I learned more watching them than anything else. It was quite magnificent. It was an experience I'll truly remember forever.
I reconnected with a good friend from my middle school years after losing touch with her for 3 years. She had randomly reached out and asked if I wanted to meet up with her for coffee or something. I couldn't believe it. Of course I did!!!! We met up one January day in 2017 and it has been sweet memz in the making since then. God has used her to move in my life in ways I've never experienced with a friend. I don't take the meaning of 'best friend' lightly, but she truly is my best friend. We've been in a crazy car accident, stayed up late, pulled all nighters, hiked, adventured, cried, screamed, sang and danced. She is the bestest friend I have ever had and life wouldn't be the same without her. Thank you, Meghan.
My walk with Christ hasn't been easy but He has made it possible. It is now senior year. Life has flown by in a whirlwind of memories, of people, of places, of events. I have met a group of friends that lift me high and make me draw closer to the Lord. They're the kind of people I've been searching for my whole life. While I drift around at school, this group is my set. My go to's. Half of them I met 8 months ago for the first time ever due to this massive group chat I made filled with nearly 1000 loving Christian kids from all across the country. It was an idea that was spontaneous and I didn't think much would come out of it. I mean, it's just a chat on my phone after all!!! And while it doesn't exist anymore (if you know YOU KNOW), I have gained a ton of new bffs from it. People who push me to be my best everyday and people I want to know all my life. Funny how God can move in the smallest ways with the simplest things ever.
I got re-baptized this past February. My reasons for it are simple: I felt I have grown in leaps and bounds, from the person I was a long time ago to now. As clear as day, a moment that stuck out to me: I was sitting in my lit class junior year. And this guy I had known since 8th grade turned to me and said, "Leah what happened to you? We use to be able to talk crap and be mean together in middle school, and now you won't say anything mean." I was shocked. I hadn't realized how people had one perceived me versus now. It was exactly the kind of transformation I wanted and needed. God has revealed Himself more and more and His purpose is becoming a bit clearer with every step. Draw near to Him and He will draw near to you. Senior year has been crazy. I have dealt with anxiety of the future. I have less than 6 months until I embark on a journey of a lifetime, but I have also learned the importance of family and friends. Take no moment for granted. Although the future looms, I am content and satisfied in the now. For I fear not, for God is with me working in me, through me and for me. With Him, I have nothing to be afraid of.
This is where my faith walk draws to a pause. Not a close, because my life isn't done yet, but a pause as I continue to live and write my story. My story isn't entirely dramatic. It's not full of twists and turns. I use to think it was very boring and bland and I never wanted to share it because it wasn't interesting. But I've learned that God has designed each person's story differently for a purpose. It was meant to be shared. Because there's probably someone in this world going through some of the same things, battling the same devils day in and day out. So for those who think you're boring like me, don't think that. You've got a story that needs to be told. Tell someone. For those walking through the valleys right now, keep your head up. Life will get better if you keep the faith. Have hope. Choose joy.
Comments